Anxieties and Fears

“A baby fills a place in your heart that you never knew was empty.” // Anonymous

I had a tough day yesterday. My energy level was at about 22%. I felt like something that belongs in the whale tank at Sea World. I think someone secretly replaced my coffee with water. I’m pretty sure I was cranky. I barely accomplished a single thing because I just couldn’t find the motivation to get off the couch.

I hate those days. Those days make you question if you are going to have enough energy to care for a newborn. If you can do this. If you are going to be a good mom. If you are going to be able to teach this tiny being about life and how to be a good person. And so begins the rabbit hole of silly anxieties and fears.

Then the little life growing inside your belly kicks your arm in the exact spot where it is resting. Then again. And again. After about the third kick, I moved my arm to a new position, thinking maybe it was heavy and uncomfortable on the little one. My heart completely melted as I watched a tiny baby move from one side of my belly to the other to where my arm was now sitting and, wouldn’t you know, another kick. All of those anxieties and fears suddenly didn’t matter and magically melted away.

This morning I woke up in better spirits to morning sunshine and renewed energy. I had a great cup of coffee and rolled out my yoga mat. I crossed a ton of things off of my to do list. Breaks were spent sitting on the couch watching and laughing at the baby rolling around my belly, looking for the weight of my hands and arms just to give me another curious kick; a sign to let me know that he or she is happy and healthy. I am a good mother. Everything is going to be a-okay.

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