I have a confession to make. I have been stagnant and un-likable lately. My brain has been so focused on sorting socks and arranging dishes, I have become a crabby hermit.
It all started the week before our trip to Colorado. The Mr. and I were both working longer hours to make up for the work time we would lose vacationing. After we returned, it was right back to working long hours, all the while preparing to move to the Boone cabin. Then the Mr. hurt his leg, leaving me to do most everything dealing with the move on my own. I lost sleep. I ate all the wrong things. I quickly became overwhelmed with stuffing stuff into a smaller house, changing addresses, chauffeuring The Mr., cooking, cleaning, shopping, walking the pugs, and POP! My brain completely exploded. When I glued it back together, I must have done it wrong because I was a crabby mess. I felt as though I was “stuck” in the house because I had to get this or that cleaned or put away. I began to resent the fact that this move was not according to the plan I had written down in my journal and we were postponing our westward move yet another two years. I stopped answering the phone because I had “stuff” to do and didn’t have time to be bothered. Standing in my driveway was the extent of my weekly bonding with nature before I had to get back to cleaning out the shed. The new me was ex outdoor enthusiast turned recluse. Ex exerciser turned blob. Ex do-er turned don’t-er. So I had to fix it, and pronto before I started collecting cats.
So what did I do? I got up that Monday morning and exercised. And Tuesday morning. And Wednesday morning. I made myself get out of the house and find my inner do-er again. It wasn’t too hard to find once I started looking for it. I just had to suck it up and make the first move.
During one of my morning meditations I contemplated what the lesson was here. Why did I allow myself to curl up in a ball and hide from the world? Did I need a lesson in patience? Importance? Love? I’m still not exactly sure. But now that I have crawled out of my internal cave, I do know this. I now feel a deeper love for my husband. I have more appreciation for time with my family and friends. I have a better understanding of why being outdoors is my peaceful, energy connection to the world. These are the important things I must make time for in my life. The dishes can just sit in the sink and wait.
(This post was originally published on our sticks or stones blog, which is no longer in publication.)